Hi Lucy,
This forum is such a great idea, congratulations to your new journey here. Here’s my story: I’m stuck in a unsustainable cycle and I don’t know how to get out. I started a new job in December in a really exciting part of the business. The team I have is small and mostly contractors (vs full time employees). Due to their lack of experience and (to some extent) lack of drive and accountability, I find myself taking more and more responsibility to course correct our performance. This leads me to work pretty much all the time (with the exception of time with my kids after work ie. 5:30-9:00pm). Which leads me working until 2-3am daily. I recognize this is not sustainable (no time with my husband or myself), but I also struggle to see a path forward. I am looking to hire more people to the team and make some changes to the existing team, but I am concerned that it will only get worse before it gets better. I think part of the issue is I have too high of an expectation. I find myself needing to provide oversight on every aspect of our team. But maybe I just need to let things play their course? Would appreciate any suggestions!
Thanks,
Not Sleeping
Works at: Bruce Power
Dear Not Sleeping,
When I first saw this come through, it gave me so many feels because it resonated with me on so many levels. It took me a few days to think about this and to give you the best reply you deserve.
First, congrats on your courage for taking on this new role! It's not easy for working moms to say "yes" to stretch roles in one's career, especially when their kids are young (and especially when you have more than one). And man, this sounds like a super stretch role to me! Definitely take a moment to recognize that power in yourself and honor it. You deserve this moment.
In terms of the work situation: I had managed contractors (contingent workers) in Big Tech and I totally, totally understand your conundrum around driving accountability. It's not just in your head. And I also think contractors are in a tough spot because there is very little feeling of "inclusion" because of a constant status differential to the full time employees, who enjoy some level of job security, company benefits, and developmental opportunities built into their annual people processes. Our brains tell us that emotional feelings of exclusion stimulate the same brain areas as actual physical pain. When I was in Big Tech I was very aware of this, and the "in limbo" status of the contractors often led to a general laissez-fair attitude and performance. Not saying this is the only reason, but it is a huge contributing factor.
I agree that your efforts to "make up" for their contributions or lack thereof is not sustainable. And yes, hiring and making people changes to the team may help to alleviate the burdens in the future but because it will take months to onboard new hires, you won't feel less burdened immediately. I wonder if there are two ways to approach this.
Work-related strategies:
Give feedback: Could you try offering more feedback to your contractors? Feedback is a gift. In particular, just-in-time feedback is so important to improving performance, yet managers often shy away from it because it feels uncomfortable to give feedback! It is truly a very useful skill and I think will keep giving back to you over and over again. For example, are they turning in work products and not giving you enough buffer time to review, give feedback, and for them to iterate based on the feedback? If so, set expectations when you delegate the work to have it sent to you by XYZ date and time to review.
Set clear expectations: I'm sure you're already doing this, but I think sometimes we forget that setting expectations is as much about the content (the details you want to them to get right) as it is about the way they should be working with you - open to ask questions about the overall direction, understand that things don't have to be perfect -and will not be perfect- the first time they submit them to you, aware that you will work with them to give feedback and make improvements so there will be iterations but that is how work gets done and how they learn and grow.
Have a developmental conversation: This is a chance for you to connect their efforts/performance to their growth and development goals - the "what's in it for me", in the absence of contractors participating in the FTE performance management cycle (and I am guessing by default not eligible for performance-based incentive plans). It can help you understand what drives them (and doesn't), so you can bring rewards to the table to motivate them to perform better - and by "reward" I don't mean financial reward. It could be things like possibly switching to a permanent role, exposure to other challenging projects to further their career growth, connecting them to a mentor or a sponsor at work, etc. Things that can help them feel engaged and elevate their sense of status.
Self sustaining strategies:
Give yourself a deadline: It sounds like some things are in the works already so ask yourself, how much longer are you willing (and able) to tolerate this situation before you say "I've had enough, it's time move on"? Is it 1 month, 3 months, 6 months? Having a deadline like that can provide some feeling of certainty as you navigate through what feels like a dark tunnel that has no end.
Map the consequences: In what tangible ways is a slight drop in your team's performance going to reflect poorly against you as the manager/leader? A lot of times we confuse internal standards with external outcomes because we put so much pressure on ourselves (maybe this is how we were raised, maybe this has always worked in the past to get us to where we are today). It could help to articulate for yourself the various scenarios if you - for lack of better words - "cared less". What might likely happen if the performance is down 10% from your expectation? 20%? Or more? What do the consequences realistically look like? In each situation, are there ways you can potentially mitigate a negative outcome?
Go to bed early and wake up early: Anyone who works till 2-3am I think has a proclivity to find closure and find it fast. Myself included. We are the kind of people who would rather "get it over with" so we can find some inner peace. With that being said, the days when I just said, "fuck it, I'm too tired, I'm going to bed at 10" and then waking up at 6, I am so much more productive in an hour's time than I am in the 11pm-3am window. My brain is much less foggy, I'm in a better mood, and I feel like I'm getting a head start in the day rather than "catching up".
Hire help: Who are we kidding here? This job of yours is crazy right now. There is no shame in admitting that for a bit of time, you cannot do it all. And that's totally okay! You'd be surprised at how many high-achieving career women have hired help at home - they just don't talk about it because somehow they feel like it's not cool and people will judge them. I get it, you want to be there to put your kids to bed, to spend quality time with them after a long day of not seeing them at all, but this is all temporary as you find your footing, and in the meantime, you have to protect what is important to you - your health. After all, what do we make money for if not for these desperate moments? Hire help with cooking, with childcare, with whatever you need to outsource to feel more centered.
And, I am always here if you'd like to explore this further - work life balance, setting boundaries (mostly for yourself), battling perfectionism and learning to let things go. I can write pages on these topics but without knowing much more details, I don't want to be presumptuous. In the meantime, I hope my response gives you some reprieve...and that you can catch some real zzzz real soon.
Lucy
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